Men: Get A Little Uncomfortable & Improve Your Lives!
Warning: Stereotypes incoming. Hopefully to a somewhat humorous effect.
Over the past 12 months, I’ve organized ~50 communal dinners at local restaurants, bringing together ~200 individuals from all walks of life: Recent transplants, divorcees, musicians, Crypto traders, dog-walkers, tech execs, retirees, care-givers, hikers, empty-nesters, authors, lawyers, photographers, advertising execs…
Men, however, have been conspicuously absent. By my very rough math and bad memory, I’d say that just 15% of attendees have been solo men, with another 10% or so joining with their partners/spouses.
I’m no statistician, and this isn’t a rigorously conducted test, but those ratios don’t make any sense. After all, men account for 50% of the world’s population, are just as likely to be recent transplants, relationship status-changers, or empty-nesters as women, and have experienced an even more precipitous decline in time spent socializing and communicating than have women since 2012. And, 100% of men eat dinner almost every day.
So, what gives?? Where are all the men??
In considering the issue, I was instantly reminded of Rob Becker’s absolutely brilliant play, “Defending the Caveman,” which humorously calls out some key differences between stereotypical men and women. One of its primary observations: Women are detail-oriented talkers, and men are grunters. According to Rob, “Women will call my wife and make dates to go somewhere and… talk! Really! But if a guy calls me just to talk… I owe him money!”
As a married man with four daughters and a lifetime of male friendships, I can say that Rob’s not wrong. The women in my life can talk and process, then talk about the processing, and then talk about the talking that was focused on processing. Conversely, my three-hour hike with a male friend might include just 60 total minutes of “talk time,” half of which could well be related to the NBA, stock market, and our families, with the other half poking fun at one another, other friends, or the absurdities of life.
Maybe, the grunting tendency of men is the reason they tend to build their social lives around activities, such as recreational basketball leagues, car/motorcycle clubs, sporting events, and poker games?
As much as I appreciate – and recognize – this stereotype, I’d encourage my fellow grunters to break out of their comfort zones and connect at a communal dining table. Yes, it can be awkward to meet and break bread with strangers. Yes, it requires a bit of courage to talk at all, let alone with people you may have just met. And, yes, it asks that you put yourself “out there” without any guarantees. (Side note: Huge shout out to all the women that have pushed these concerns to the side and taken the proverbial leap with SIXTOP!)
But, research shows that “those who eat socially more often feel happier and are more satisfied with life, are more trusting of others, are more engaged with their local communities, and have more friends they can depend on for support.” It’s also been shown that people with more social connections are less depressed; have lower blood pressure, self-esteem, and stronger immune systems; and live up to 22% longer.
Moreover, communal dining is a great way to expand your world. Meeting people from outside your usual spheres opens your eyes to different ways of thinking, being, doing, and acting. Learn about movies you’d never heard of; hiking trails you’ve never been on; careers you didn’t even know were a thing; activities and performances that weren’t previously on your radar screen; travel tips for those bucket list locales; hole-in-the-wall joints you’d never be able to find…
On top of all that, you’ll eat damn well, too.
I realize that I’m biased on the topic, but communal dining – and SIXTOP, more specifically – may just be the communication-centric forum my cavemen cronies never knew they needed. So, take the plunge. Join a table. Develop new friendships. Get a little uncomfortable. You might actually have a bit of fun, and it could just change, improve, and extend your life!
